Love and Life, I am Here
Oh, I have learned many things this year and months past.
To accept what is.
To let go.
To keep a light of hope in my heart.
To have faith.
And my proudest lesson?
To move past Sorrow.
In order to do this I had to acknowledge that there was a possibility that life ahead of me could be beautiful.
I could sit beside Sorrow. Sleep with it. Cry with it in my car. Lay on the sidewalk and let it wash over me. It planted a seed in me and it grew and grew and grew. I could have let it inhabit me forever.
I never wanted it to live in me or around me.
But it is a price you will inevitably pay if you love.
Sorrow stayed and would not leave till I learned from it. It is a contrary relationship—because while it took me to the deepest depths of sadness it taught me truths that I could only learn from it alone.
When I learned what I needed to it was time to release it from my soul.
Its time was up.
And even though I know it will visit me again in my life, for now it is time for it to leave.
The final step to saying goodbye? I had to start imagining a life where I was ALIVE.
Death taught me something wonderful:
It said, "Do not take Life so seriously."
I thought about it.
I asked myself---in life what is the worst that could happen?
I could die. They could die.
Death, you don’t scare me anymore.
You are an illusion.
But Sorrow, you are real. You are my teacher. And as much pain as you have made me feel, I have profound gratitude for the lessons you taught me.
this is what
and how I will live:
I will play. I will risk colds to jump in rain and puddles with my children. I will dance in a sparkling dress, with sequin shoes, and a glitter belt.
I will know my worth. I will order what I really want on a menu, not just the cheapest thing. I will not settle, because magic is real. And I am worthy of magic.
I will be authentic. That means being a truth teller: pouring my heart out on a bright screen or white cold pressed paper. Most of all that means listening to my heart.
I will put myself in new situations. I can, have, and will--drive further than I’ve ever gone alone before, sail high above sparkling waters, fly to foreign lands, and so much more.
I will be vulnerable and open to the rebirth of a new life.
I will live for today, because that is all I have. I am promised nothing more.
I will say yes to love. No matter what loss has occurred death and endings are only illusions. There is life after death and love after loss. Love is always worth it.
I am ready now.
Love and Life, I am here.
7/23/2016 11:03:33 pm
Heatherlee...what a hard and challenging journey it has been for you. My heart ached alongside yours and now I rejoice with you here. Matt LOVED life and people....and I know he is so happy to see you in this new place. We all are. He radiated so much joy and marching forward basking in that glow to take on whatever beautiful adventure comes your way is only fitting....can't wait to see your new adventure unfold.
7/24/2016 01:43:38 am
Darling Heatherlee, I have wept for you, prayed for you, was devastated for you. You have been immensely brave and incredibly open with your journey. I feel like I've traveled each step of your gravel road with you, watched you as you've moved forward, baby step by baby step. My dear Heatherlee, you've accepted the loss of your true love. You've embraced it. And now, precious one, you've grown new wings to fly again, to heights you've never known before! Bless your beautiful heart for loving and protecting your babies so deeply, for teaching them by your example that there is life after loss, love and joy after deep sorrow. My heart is delighted for you, and I'm so very proud of you! I will be praying for you and watching with gentle anticipation as your journey continues and unfolds new and beautiful paths in Life! Love, ~Diane 💜
7/24/2016 02:58:07 pm
Imagine. Me. A 50 something. Gleaning wisdom from you, Heatherlee. A beautiful, young,30 something. Thank you. Love you. Love your kids. Love Matt
9/5/2016 11:00:28 pm
Dear Heatherlee, Until this evening I didn't know of you or your family and anything of your story.
11/21/2016 11:37:41 pm
I am still so moved by your words and your heart. I love your strength and heart. There truly could have only been the perfect match for Matt in you. You amaze me. Thank you for sharing your heart with us all.
11/5/2022 07:30:17 am
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I am a watercolor artist located in Southern California.