I was talking with a dear friend--a fellow dreamer--and it got me thinking about things.
As a dreamer you plan your future and events with the greatest of detail. And then when it happens it is different. And sometimes it is disappointing because it wasn’t what you imagined, in fact, sometimes radically different or completely opposite. But you still gain something from it.
I had my future planned out with little details. We were going to move to Oregon. I would have a garden that wouldn’t die when I looked at it. Tall pine trees, old wooden floors, his hands strumming the guitar, and fresh wildflowers on my table. Our kids would be happy, we would be happy, and there would be so much love.
So much love.
But then he died. And I didn’t plan or dream that. But look at all the beautiful things I gained this year because of it. I made so many new friends and created deep relationships I never would have otherwise. I saw acts of love. I saw magic, literal magic from God. I know why I am here. I know why I was left behind.
Before this I guarded my heart and its contents. Only a few were allowed to enter and even then I might have still held back. My heart was broken last year. It will never be put back together completely, but I like it that way. Because I know the darkest sadness, I also can feel the lightest and highest joy. I can feel all emotions. I can feel them simultaneously.
It is magnificent.
It reminds me of my crystal hanging in my studio window. It fell and chipped off a side of it.
Essentially it is broken.
But because that happened which of my crystals creates the most rainbows?
The broken one.
I am a watercolor artist located in Southern California.