Oh, I have learned many things this year and months past.
To accept what is.
To let go.
To keep a light of hope in my heart.
To have faith.
And my proudest lesson?
To move past Sorrow.
In order to do this I had to acknowledge that there was a possibility that life ahead of me could be beautiful.
I could sit beside Sorrow. Sleep with it. Cry with it in my car. Lay on the sidewalk and let it wash over me. It planted a seed in me and it grew and grew and grew. I could have let it inhabit me forever.
I never wanted it to live in me or around me.
But it is a price you will inevitably pay if you love.
Sorrow stayed and would not leave till I learned from it. It is a contrary relationship—because while it took me to the deepest depths of sadness it taught me truths that I could only learn from it alone.
When I learned what I needed to it was time to release it from my soul.
Its time was up.
And even though I know it will visit me again in my life, for now it is time for it to leave.
The final step to saying goodbye? I had to start imagining a life where I was ALIVE.
Death taught me something wonderful:
It said, "Do not take Life so seriously."
I thought about it.
I asked myself---in life what is the worst that could happen?
I could die. They could die.
Death, you don’t scare me anymore.
You are an illusion.
But Sorrow, you are real. You are my teacher. And as much pain as you have made me feel, I have profound gratitude for the lessons you taught me.
this is what
and how I will live:
I will play. I will risk colds to jump in rain and puddles with my children. I will dance in a sparkling dress, with sequin shoes, and a glitter belt.
I will know my worth. I will order what I really want on a menu, not just the cheapest thing. I will not settle, because magic is real. And I am worthy of magic.
I will be authentic. That means being a truth teller: pouring my heart out on a bright screen or white cold pressed paper. Most of all that means listening to my heart.
I will put myself in new situations. I can, have, and will--drive further than I’ve ever gone alone before, sail high above sparkling waters, fly to foreign lands, and so much more.
I will be vulnerable and open to the rebirth of a new life.
I will live for today, because that is all I have. I am promised nothing more.
I will say yes to love. No matter what loss has occurred death and endings are only illusions. There is life after death and love after loss. Love is always worth it.
I am ready now.
Love and Life, I am here.
I am a watercolor artist located in Southern California.
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